i loved you in the winter, when you were far away, and the springtime almost killed me, with hot blood in my veins

a disorienting week of goodbyes, hellos, a lot of driving, too many motel rooms, 3 days during which my voice decided to abandon me, perhaps seeking warmer climes, some abstract planning for the future and reminiscing about the past, beading in rural new mexico, fighting with delta airlines about baggage fees, opening an IRA, doing my taxes in tidal wave in anchorage, plodding up and falling down an icy slope to my NEW HOUSE! above the nenana river (mile 229.5, west side of the road and down the hill ("rent's cheap because you might die!" kate said yesterday. i said it's worth it, and she agreed)), and yesterday, more driving to fairbanks and another motel, to drop jeff off at the airport this morning to fly back to the north slope. and now i'm at gulliver's books, putting off the first grocery/hardware store/value village marathon shopping trip of the season, indulging my internet addiction because i don't know when i'll get another fix (though i love the fact that i'm planning to get wireless internet in a cabin with no running water or electric heat). and so i present you, dear readers, with a photo journal of april, thus far:
anna delivered daniella to me in flagstaff, as well as their friend nicki, to travel to albuquerque. before anna and the rest of their entourage left for tucson, we all went out to beaver street:
the next day the 3 of us took off for albuquerque via monument valley and 4 corners (what?), passing through wupatki, where i found a cute family and provided unsolicited interpretation at the blowhole. the kid was wearing a hat. they asked for it.one of many touristy roadtrip photos. nicki, daniella, me, and monument valley.ted's suggestion: camping at gooseneck state park in utah, near mexican hat. amazing undeveloped little campsite overlooking the san juan gooseneck "entrenched meanders." pretty damn awesome. in the middle of the night, the wind picked up, blasted the whole 4 corners region, and didn't stop till the day i left albuquerque. it felt like we'd blow off the cliff. the next morning, my voice was half-gone.i'm always intrigued by mile 0... i laughed at daniella for her interest in stopping at 4 corners--cheesy kitschy tourist trap, etc. then i started getting really into it, and when we got there, i did this. and bought a ring. i mean, dude, you can be in 4 states at once!
yep, it's real. ("adult video"/"jesus is watching you"). farmington, nm, i believe.
arrived in albuquerque. i couldn't talk. my voice came out in this inaudible squawk. i tried to believe there was a lesson from the universe in it: learning how to be silent, to listen, etc. but that was bullshit. mostly it was just incredibly frustrating and disempowering. and when shopowners asked "where are you girls from?" and daniella and nicki answered "new york," i could only gasp "i'm not!" but no one heard me. daniella said i'm a big state elitist. i said i'm working on it, but honestly i'm not. big states are just better ;-)
after daniella and nicki flew back to NY on sunday morning, i explored the UNM campus a bit, and drank mate and about a gallon of honey before heading to moriarty to stay with anna p's mom, theresa. we played with beads, i made the earrings i'm wearing here, and being a mommy, theresa gave me tea and osha root and chilies, which made my voice come back, at least enough to successfully meet with professors and advisors in the creative writing program at UNM in the morning. thanks, theresa!
aside from my evergrowing cynicism about discussion of "place," the conversations went well, and i can envision spending a few years writing in albuquerque. "so, this year," professor greg martin said after buying me tea and discussing gary snyder, "go to alaska, have fun, write a lot, and well, and when you start the application process, we'll talk again."
and so here i am. writing self-indulgent blog entries. well, it's a start.
jeff picked me up in anchorage. you can hardly tell there's a volcano erupting out there!
got back to denali and my car on wednesday. a red squirrel has been caching spruce cones (and bird feathers!) in the engine for the last few months, but fortunately left everything else alone. jeff, craig and i dug around for what we could get; and now, somewhere near craig's driveway, there is a very angry squirrel.
my little cabin on the hill is still very much in a transitional state, but the one thing i made sure i'm set up to do: make coffee in the morning. chopping wood and filling water jugs can wait till i'm sufficiently caffeinated.
after a quick run to the airport at 6:30 this morning, went back to sleep in the alpine lodge for a while, till hannah called from israel. she said i'm the only person in her life who doesn't skype. i said i'd figure it out while i'm interneting today. i'm putting that off too.
and that's my life at the moment. now i have to go shopping. a lot.